In my last post, I talked about how we might need to change our perspectives about a lot of things. The truth is we might actually need to entirely delete or unlearn some things. I also mentioned that whether we’ve noticed it or not, we’ve actually picked up some   behaviours from home while growing up. These behaviours affect the way we relate with people in our friendships, relationships and even with strangers. Growing up, your idea of perfect was probably your parent. And even if it wasn’t, your guardians or parents were the ones you grew with, hence, a mirroring of character. I love babies and so growing up, I used to babysit a lot. When the baby is brought to my house, he or she tries to observe the environment. As soon as he or she gets used to you, that’s it. They don’t want any other person picking them up because they trust only you. If you’re very observant, you’ll catch them mirroring you. They’ll do something or pretend to do it because you do it. Once you start correcting them or giving them orders continuously, that becomes the norm for them. Why? You!  As they grow, they just know that they only do certain things at certain times. Even things you didn’t want them knowing, they’ll pick it up if they find it interesting. 

As you increase in age, you’d start to realise there are some parts of you that needs change, but this only happens if you’re growing mentally too. A few weeks ago, some things just came to my realisation. I just figured out why I acted a certain way in my past relationships with people. As time goes by, you’ll begin to see things clearer than before because (like I’ve said before) we tend to pick up some characters from our home even when we don’t know/intend to. 

Some parents find it appropriate raising their voice at their children every time they want to make a point. It’s normal for them. They feel they cannot pass across their message any other way. How do you expect the child of a person like that not to raise their voice at a bus conductor over change? You’ll grow up too and be screaming at your child. Personally, I hate it when people raise their voice at me. It just causes panicking and that way, you won’t get anything done efficiently. It’s also similar to unnecessary beating and punishment. If a man grew up with constant beating, why would he think it’s wrong to correct his wife by slapping her?

I was having a conversation with a group of people one time and a lady brought up an issue she was having. The guy she was with had a very violent way of expressing his anger. He got angry unnecessarily and when he was done destroying whatever was in his path, he became the most romantic man on earth. He’d try to apologise with all sorts of gifts. He was also extremely jealous but apart from that he was a “good man”. He took care of her (materially I guess...because I don’t know what the “good man” means). She was thinking of leaving him because she had had enough and some people were actually encouraging her to stay. Their reason was that “it’s one of those things”.  They were telling her to stay because that’s how relationships are. Whose relationship? Of course, it’s normal for someone who grew up believing that the male sex is superior to think that having such a partner is fine. A lot of females are being raised to think that men are gods and so whatever your spouse does is okay. Even if he beats the living daylight out of you, he is your husband and you must submit.

How can you think it’s okay to be in a relationship where there’s no trust? How can you think all men are like that? How can you think that that’s the definition of love? That’s just wrong! 

I remember the first time somebody I liked told me he loved me. I told him to shut up and never ever speak of it.Why? I wasn’t used to that and it’s very common. I hear people say their parents tell them they love them and I can’t relate. It’s not that my parents don’t love me but they didn’t express it with words that way. As my babies are coming out of me, I will tell them how much they mean to me. In fact, they’d get so tired of hearing it because their mum’s a writer. 

Let’s do better! Let’s pick up the slack of the generation before us and create a line of amazing humans. Creating a generation of better people only means that they’ll also be better than we are. Let us be better!