To be sorry or not to be...

Hey guys! How’re you doing? I hope you’re holding your head up as the King/Queen that you are. Last week, we talked about forgiveness but today we’d be talking about “saying sorry”.  Have your African parents ever said sorry to you when they were wrong? Why’s it such a big deal to apologize? Does it make you feel weaker? Can you never be wrong? Is it a “pride” thing? Or maybe it’s an African thing. 

I used to apologize a lot because I hated arguments with a passion. I can vividly remember some of my friends telling me that I don’t always need to say sorry. I even said sorry after one of them told me to stop saying sorry so much. I had gotten so used to apologizing for everything even when I didn’t need to. I would say sorry cos a part of me felt that maybe I couldn’t be right and the other part just enjoyed peace. I would also say sorry a lot because I didn’t want to offend somebody without knowing or intending to. Maybe I didn’t always apologize to my brothers (hello! They’re my brothers 😂) when we would fight over the dumbest things because they’re my brothers, but when I was with other people, I just couldn’t stand the idea of having them feel bad because of something I did. I still can’t stand it. 

I hate arguments, I can’t stand them. Yeah, I know I’ve said it before but I just had to remind you. Maybe I’ve said sorry a few times even when I didn’t think I was totally wrong. I might have also said sorry just to end an argument because I’ve had enough, but there was always a part of me in all these scenarios that was rooting for the other party because I didn’t want to hurt them. At some point, I’ve even had someone so dear to me say that I just liked the idea of everyone liking me. That was the reason they thought I ended up saying sorry or just taking sh*t from people (pardon my French). They couldn’t imagine that I probably just wanted peace to reign or that I couldn’t stand going to bed with all that negative energy. I don’t blame them because that was the way it seemed. I don’t like fighting. I mean...what do people gain from fighting?  

Even though I didn’t have an issue with kissing and making up (except in cases where I actually needed the friendship to end), my idea of saying sorry was a bit wrong. It made me hide behind a big glass wall when words being thrown at me while I pretended everything was fine. You can’t be saying sorry because you’re scared your friendship or relationship will end. It’s not worth it! If you keep apologizing for the wrong reasons, your glass wall will still end up shattering. Your self esteem will keep reducing until there’s nothing left. If this is the relationship you have with the word “sorry”, fix it please. 

There’s a huge number of people walking the face of this planet thinking they can never be wrong. As you’re reading this, I bet you’re thinking of somebody. Even when they’re obviously wrong, they’ll look for a way out. In one of my posts about  insecurity (if you’ve been following me😌), I made the statement “hurt people hurt people”. A lot of  people are hurt and so they’ll take it out on you. How can you be happy when they aren’t? Do you expect people like that to apologize? A lot of people think apologizing equals lowering their guard. Therefore, saying sorry might mean that they’d suddenly appear soft or vulnerable. They think that it’d make people see a part of them that they aren’t ready to show yet.

Another reason why people don’t apologize is because they can’t separate the feeling of being sorry from the feeling of shame. Have you ever apologized for something and then ended up feeling so ashamed? Sometimes the shame gets too much that it just makes you regret opening up in the first place. And other times, the people around even make it harder for you. Imagine opening up and apologizing sincerely and then the other party just goes ahead to call you names.  This might prevent you from wanting to say sorry ever again. 

Some people think that admitting that they actually did something stupid or bad means that they’re bad too. That’s the reason they’d rather keep convincing themselves that they’re right. They forget that nobody’s perfect and everyone messes up once in a while. Also, there’s a category of people that just don’t know how to apologize. How about just starting with “I’m sorry”? 

For whatever reason, “sorry” shouldn’t be difficult for you to say. Everyone must be responsible for their actions. The pride or shame shouldn’t stop you from apologizing to the person you hurt because knowingly or unknowingly, you wronged them. If you’re wrong, admit it and apologize sincerely. Apologize and move on. Be a better person and make better choices.