How could you not? One time, someone hurt me so bad and while we were trying to iron things out, I thought to myself, “I know I’d easily forgive them even though I don’t think they deserve it”. While I was trying to make them convince me that they were actually apologizing because they knew they really hurt me, I stated my thought. I told them I didn’t know why I was forgiving them so easily and their reply was “because you love me”. 

That just threw me off! It made me feel really bad inside. They felt everything they had done to me was okay just because I loved them. They were so sure of the fact that I sincerely loved them, yet they went ahead to break my heart. How couldn’t I have seen that? Why was I so foolish to let that happen again? They weren’t the first person to act that way, even though they were the first person to ever state it plainly like that. It just made me think of every so called “friend” I’ve had that learnt I was such a softie during the course of our friendship, and decided to use that to their advantage. How could I ever forgive myself for letting myself get preyed on like that? 

Forgiving them was a lot easier than forgiving myself. How could I forgive myself for letting people walk over me? It seemed so difficult but the truth is, forgiving the other party is a step towards forgiving oneself. Some people don’t even know that there’s a need to forgive themselves. I mean...it’s you. Why would you be holding a grudge against your own self? Let me tell you now if you don’t know. It’s very possible. You probably beat yourself down for so many reasons. You get so mad at yourself unnecessarily. You don’t carry yourself as the King or Queen that you are. Why? Because of some things that have happened that you just pushed down. You’ve buried a lot of things just because they were to painful to tear apart and actually confront them. And somehow you think everything is fine, when the truth is that it’s actually affecting you. Maybe someone wronged you and your reaction to it was to just ignore them because they’re definitely not worth it. Yet, you’re suffering as much as they are. 

The need to forgive yourself doesn’t only come up when you’re the one that was hurt. Even if you were the one that messed up, as long as you’re actually owning up to your mistakes, you deserve forgiveness. I may not know what you did but you do. Sometimes, giving them space to heal is also very necessary. You really hurt them and so the least you can do for them is giving them that space. You can’t make somebody forgive you just because you’re sorry. You can’t expect things to go back to the way they were just because you’re sorry. 

There’d also be times when the person that hurt you doesn’t even care. That’s the time you’d need to develop a lot of strength. You’re going to have to be strong enough to forgive them even though they didn’t ask to be forgiven. Like I said earlier, it’s a step towards forgiving yourself and healing. Forgiveness is easier said than done but think of how much damage the pain in your heart could cause. You wouldn’t even realize you’re accusing your new boo of cheating on you just because your ex constantly cheated on you. It’s always better to take these bad experiences as lessons. Forgiveness stops you from reliving the past. Being treated a certain way doesn’t make you an idiot. Treating someone a certain way doesn’t mean you should continuously beat yourself up. Again, I don’t know what you did but no sin is bigger than God. So...ask for forgiveness and sincerely mean it. Forgive yourself too...because (in the words of the amazing singer Chike) “if you hold person...you hold yourself too”.

Music suggestion: Forgive by Chike 

Ephesians 4:32 And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.