You know...it’s almost impossible to live a calm and reserved life as a Lagosian. You want to be alone? Lagos isn't the place for you. I've been a graduate for a year now and the last job I was so lucky to have gotten didn’t work out. It was everything I didn’t want in a job. The work environment was so toxic that I called in sick even when I wasn’t. Although calling in sick meant my salary would reduce, sometimes I just couldn’t take it. How did a first-class graduate turn into somebody that buys Amala for people? It took me a long time to give in and tell myself that I wasn’t going to get the job of my dreams. Only for me to take a low-paying job with coworkers who don’t mind their business. The other day, Mr. Steven asked me if I was frowning my face because of my “monthly visitor”. Apart from all these wahala, I wanted to work remotely. I love my space. Nobody enjoys jumping buses and sweating in traffic jams for a job that isn’t even worth it. At this point, my job title should be P.A/Office maid.

I decided to quit but my brother advised me to look for a better-paying job first. Another 1,785 naira remover from my paycheck. I had to make this job hunt count. I got two interviews scheduled for the same day. I woke up very early to beat Lagos traffic and make a good impression by getting to the interviews on time. I was so lucky to have gotten a bus that was 100 naira cheaper on a Monday morning. It felt like a really good sign until the bus stopped. I always knew that some people from my village didn’t like the fact that I graduated with a first-class. It had to be Mummy Tayo. You cannot satisfy that woman. I greeted her once and she said I lacked home training because Tayo is much older than me. She wanted me to call her Mummy Brother Tayo. Think of how insane that is and tell me this person doesn’t have bad intentions.

I was so lost in thoughts until the driver brought me back to reality. “Sadiq that thing don remove again o”. Ehn? Which thing removed? I should have known that the cheap bus fare was too good to be true? I couldn’t get a bus from where I was and even if I could, I would be forfeiting my transport fare back home. Sadiq had disappeared with our money and one woman was already dragging the driver’s shirt. I just stood by the road with my hands on my head.

After about thirty minutes of insults flying up and down, Sadiq came back and we were on our way. At this point, I had lost hope. It was a Monday so the traffic was heavy. 

I finally got to my bus stop, feeling very defeated. As I was about to alight, something brush the side of my shirt and I heard a rip. I was so scared to look. I decided to focus on a dispatch rider and his huge delivery box, trying to squeeze himself through traffic. I feel like they always forget that they are not just driving a bike. There’s a huge box behind and that huge box just ripped my shirt. If you say you don’t want to look for trouble in Lagos, it would come to your house with a traveling bag. I entered the office for my interview even though I was almost two hours late. The receptionist didn’t waste my time and I didn’t waste hers. She told me it was over and I told her thank you and left. I walked out of the gate to get a bus. As I walked towards the bus stop, a pregnant woman grabbed me and started shouting “the baby is coming!”.

Ahhhhh! What baby? To where? I’m going home to eat my leftover rice from last night. I’m not expecting any baby, please! I was panicking. I started trying to get a cab but no one was stopping. I thought of entering the road so that one would at least stop but the woman was holding onto my arm. This woman can’t give birth on the express. I started to cry because I was frustrated. Then she started laughing and pointing across the street. There was a camera and they were shooting a YouTube Video. This had to be illegal. What is in the water that Lagosians drink?