How do you respond in a fight? What do you do when someone is suddenly charging at you with their fist? Are you the type that fights back? Or do avoid violence like I do. Or maybe you just don’t know how to fight back.

Hi guys! How have been? I hope you enjoyed my story from last week. I want to write more of those. Anyways I wanted to talk to you about something I’ve been thinking of - fighting back. If you’re one of those people who enjoy bullying others especially with your words, this isn’t for you. You’re not the one that should be fighting back here. You’re the one that should be seriously beaten.  

Let me try to be a little clearer. There’s this YouTuber I enjoy watching - Dinma Umeh. I personally find her videos soothing. I watched one of her videos a while ago and she spoke about toxic family members. You can find the link at the end of the post.

Toxic relationships

Nowadays, you'll find that anyone can be toxic. Even though a lot of people now misuse the word, toxicity isn't so difficult to recognize. The word simply means being emotionally and mentally exhausting. A toxic person basically creates negativity. A lot of people don't even know they're being toxic. But it doesn't make so much sense to me if I'm being honest. How do you just walk up to somebody and tell them they are getting darker?  How’s that a positive thing? Guys, it’s the little things. As small as telling someone you don’t like a shirt on them. I know someone whose aura screams insecure but they beat me up about how I look often. They help me keep track of my weight even though I didn't ask anyone to. Why would anyone take so much pride in not minding their business? In Dinma’s video, she talked about how family members can be very toxic. Do you have that one aunty that whenever she comes around, you just want her gone? It’s like they can’t take their mouths off your body. They would go on and on about your colored weave when their son is somewhere selling weed. I’ve mentioned it before in a post I did on insecurity. A lot of these toxic people are the way they are simply because they are insecure. They are trying to put you down because they are down and to them, it’s easier to drag you down instead of trying to climb up.

Anybody can be toxic, even the closest person to you. 

Fighting back

In my opinion, one of the ways to fight back is by not fighting. It can be difficult but you would have to work on not letting these things get to you. People have felt so foolish when they say the dumbest things and I leave them on read or just say “okay”. You don’t engage negative people. Cut off the conversation. Just do you.  

I get cold easily and it’s mostly because I have iron deficiency.  So for example in the office, I could be shivering because the AC is on or  wearing a jacket even when people are warm. I hear a lot of “you are always cold” but it doesn’t bother me as much as it used to. Why? Because at the end of the day it’s my health. Mine. This week at the office I didn’t have my jacket with me. Today is Saturday and I am in bed cold with a fever. Are all the people that would usually tease me about not being strong enough here? You might be reading this and be thinking “it’s not that deep”. But you can’t just go around saying things that might hurt or change people just because “you are just joking”. When the tables turn, I’m sure you won’t find it funny.

In my case, not fighting back was simply ignoring and wearing a damn jacket. It’s my health and I’m the one that gets cold.

One thing I’ve had to tell myself is that sometimes it’s okay to fight back. I'm not contradicting myself. This is the second option. I had to learn and believe it. Sometimes people have to see your strength before they back off. Somebody keeps talking trash about the way you look? Tell them to stop. Tell them you're not comfortable with them talking about your body like that. In Dinma’s video, she mentioned that she lost a lot of weight and she came down to a size 10. Then one of her uncles called and was complaining about how she had become too skinny. She said she immediately called him out and told him he wasn't her target market and she didn’t lose weight for him. Sometimes, even adults need to know their place. My dear, fight back for your sanity.

Nobody should have that much power over you. 

PS: You can watch Dinma's video here.