How do you fight over a guy and “win” and then go through the relationship without feeling a certain way about yourself and the relationship?

Hi guys. Hope you’ve been good? The sun has been shining on this end and so I’m holding on to hope. Today, let’s talk relationships. I’m no expert but I’m human.

Before anything, I’d like to tell you one thing I’ve learnt from relationships. In any relationship (boyfriend and girlfriend, mother-daughter, father-son...name it), when there’s an issue, both parties have a hand in it. Well, except it’s a situation where it’s just so clear that someone did something wrong.

In a post where I talked about us working on certain parts of us, I briefly mentioned that our behavior or reaction towards certain issues indirectly or directly affects the result of that issue. In this case, however we choose to react about a situation would influence what ends up happening. I don’t want to go too much into that again.

Now to the main event. Have you ever been cheated on? Wait...let me bring it down a  little bit. Has anyone ever cheated you? 

One time, a bus conductor ran away with my girlfriend’s fifty naira change. She didn’t get over it quickly because no matter how small the money was, it was hers and she was cheated.

There have been times when I boarded buses and the drivers stopped before my bus-stop because they didn’t want to go any further. You’d pay the bus fare in full and they’d just decide to do whatever they please.

You can’t be in Nigeria and say you’ve never been cheated. You’ll go to the market to buy foodstuff and they would have adjusted the scales and measuring bowls. 

Have you ever gone to Ikeja to buy a phone and then when you got home it was just fufu that was inside? Only fufu...no love or light. Who do you want to beat?  One hundred and fifty thousand naira for iPhone with radio. Where will nigerian police start their investigation? There are worse experiences that people have gone through that even made them rethink their entire existence. Please if you have an experience you’d like to share with me, feel free to do that in the comment section. 

So, they broke your heart and then you went to get your body bruised. Even if it’s just a verbal confrontation, it still makes zero sense to me. A guy cheated on you with another woman and you’re fighting the lady. How do you say “all of you are mad” in French? Heartbreak messes with one’s sanity though.

Because I’d have to be at least “quarter to insane” to pick a fight with someone a man cheated on me with. They’ll wound me and it won’t even be just bruises. There would be broken bones too.

On a more serious note though, what happens if you win the fight? Do you win the guy? Is the guy the ultimate price you get after the fight?

Do you guys continue the relationship? I’m actually really curious and confused as to how it works. Is it certain that someone who cheated on you wouldn’t do it again? How do you go through such relationship? 

Ps: I originally wrote this in October 2020.