Don’t grow up, it’s a scam!

If someone had told me when I was a child that in my early twenties I’d still be figuring out life, I would have called them a liar. I'm up at 1 am writing this because my thoughts are keeping me up. As a child, when anyone asked me what I wanted to be in the future, I would say a Banker. Other times it would be Lawyer, and when I started to get a bit older, it turned to Doctor. The truth was that I had absolutely no idea what it meant to be a Banker or a Lawyer at the time. It just felt like the right thing to say. Those were the kinds of professions that “responsible” adults took on. It was very normal for children to just say things like “I’m going to be a pilot”. Yes, there are some people who actually knew who they wanted to become from their childhood. I personally haven't met any so I want to assume they are just a few. They knew what they wanted as children and stuck with it till their adulthood. I just think those people are very blessed.

What influenced who I thought I wanted to be was what everyone around me said or did. “Everyone” in this context isn't limited to just the immediate people around me. It also included other people I haven't met. People that automatically assumed that artists couldn't make it enough to buy a house. I mean where did the term “starving artist” come from? It also included people that started to define happiness by whatever they personally deemed it to be. What gives everyone fulfilment isn't the same. In secondary school, I loved mathematics so much. I looked forward to going to school on days where we had it for hours. A lot of times, I wouldn't study for tests so that I could be “surprised” by whatever questions were coming. During an exam (probably NECO), I solved all theory questions instead of the 7(or was it 10?) I was supposed to, just out of curiosity and boredom. There were aspects of mathematics I avoided, but I enjoyed how much it made me use my brain. I didn't know what I could do with my love for maths and everyone already said I’d make a good doctor. I didn't want that.

Being an adult is crazy! Everyone’s path is so different, and a lot of the things we saw as children aren't the way we thought they were. Things are even way different now that the world is changing. Every time you blink, something new has been discovered. 

As a child, I was shy but I had this boldness that made me have the feeling of being okay. Even when things were falling apart, I wouldn't fall apart with them. I didn't care that my friends had this toy or had those clothes. Even as a teen, I didn't understand why people would be envious of me. But as I gradually got older, all these things started to change. My first year in the university got me introduced to “adulthood”. I started experiencing so many things that the child in me diminished. I got diagnosed with anxiety. I started caring about the things that were said about me. To make things worse, I had gone into the university to try and build a life I wasn't passionate about. It took me far too long to realise that I had caged that fearless child in me. To think that when we were children, we wanted to grow up. Growing up is inevitable. Just make sure not to lose that fearless child in you.