Why are we attracted to things that are bad for us?
Hello guys! I’m writing to you totally sleep deprived. I don’t know if you’ve heard of the robberies and “cult clash” that have been happening in both Ogun and Lagos State. If you’ve not, just check out #ogununrest and #lagosunrest on Twitter. A lot of crazy things are happening at the moment because of the lockdown and now that it has been extended for another two weeks, good luck to us guys!
Anyways, I’ve lost hours and hours of sleep (as well as other thousands of people), and it doesn’t look like anything would be changing soon. The only thing keeping us now is our faith and don’t get me started on the vigils communities have been holding. We’ve got Fathers and Sons outside at night with cutlasses and sticks, trying to protect their families. My nostrils are totally blocked from the continuous burning of tyres to scare the hoodlums away.
Enough of the sad talk and let’s get down to business. In my last post, we talked about having an ex as a friend and you remember which side you were on. I talked about how some people would stay friends with their ex and then end up going back to a toxic relationship they had succeeded in getting out of. I also mentioned that these types of decisions are made because somehow we get attracted to things that might be bad for us. This is what we would be talking about today. Let me try to rephrase or put it in a way that would be better understood. Humans tend to get drawn to things that might be bad for them. It could be a habit or a person, but we just seem to get drawn to something even when we know that it’d end up badly. I’m not saying this happens all the time but I’d love for you to think back. Can you boldly say you’ve not made a bad decision of doing something that you knew for sure would end badly?
So, I put this up on my story on instagram (you really should follow me), and some people replied that it was because of the thrill. There are different reasons why it happens and the thrill is definitely one of them. The comfort and the pleasure you get from doing something just becomes so familiar that we can’t bear the thought of losing it. Having to change the pattern just starts to seem like a big deal and even if we aren’t addicted to the habit, how bodies try to deceive us. For instance—smoking, and I’m not trying to judge anybody who does but it’s written right there on the pack that it can kill you. I bet people who smoke have their reasons for it and the warning on the pack won’t just stop them.
Have you ever had the chance to talk to somebody who has been in a manipulative/toxic relationship? What was their reason for staying even when they were being disrespected or even beaten over and over? Okay...some might have stayed for material reasons but we are not talking about people like that now. Those ones need Jesus! He’s the only one that can talk about them cos He’s the only one that can fix their greedy asses. I’m talking about people that say “I love him” or “He’s actually a nice person when you get to know him”. I’m actually laughing so much right now because I’ve been there. No o...nobody hit me but I’ve been in a toxic relationship where I always gave excuses for my “friend’s” actions.
So you can’t love somebody that doesn’t use your chest as a punching bag? Or maybe domestic violence is a love language and we don’t know. When it’s not that you have a death wish, why would you think it’s okay for somebody that claims to love you to treat you like garbage? This is another reason why people like to cling to things that are bad for them. It’s psychological!
The way your brain operates has been totally rewired and your self esteem is on the floor. You’re thinking you can change them or that one day it’d finally end. But over time, they just make you feel like you’re worthless and that you’ll never find someone better than them.
Someone might be saying that it’s actually not possible to see something that’s bad and go into it with the intention of not coming out. I just want to say that a lot of times we actually see the red flags but decide to paint them white. Somebody is talking to you anyhow but you’re convincing yourself that it’s just because he’s having a bad day. I mean...some girls are mostly attracted to playboys. Why would you set yourself up like that?
In conclusion, humans will see a “restricted” sign on something, yank it off, and act like it was never there. A lot of times, the thing we shouldn’t have or can’t have is what we want the most. A person seeming unavailable or busy just makes us want to bombard them with messages because we don’t want to believe we aren’t that unimportant to them. Sounds familiar? I know...and it sucks. Unfortunately, walking away is easier said than done but at the end of the day, when we do have the courage to, and we gain our self pride back, we’d be so much healthier. Because the truth is we’re actually worth a million bucks when we decide to see it.
Please let me know what you think in the comment section and if you can relate in any way. I’d be having an amazing writer here next and he’d be talking on this same topic but from another angle.
7 Comments
I think it's just really difficult for us as humans to break away from a habit.(Dono about animals). It takes great mental strength to do it of your own freewill most times.
ReplyDeleteWhen addicted to stuff like drinking or smoking you hardly can stop until it has almost gotten you to a point where you cant take it anymore (either it almost cost you your life or almost made you deranged.
And talking about toxic relationships its just difficult to be "unused" to someone you're already used to for so long. You feel a certain kind of peace when you're cool and on good terms with them, and you are totally disturbed when you're not. And some of us just go back to these relationships out of pity or guilt. I think my comment is also as long as the main article lol. But to break free from these kinda things, you just need a new hobby basically to get you busy. To break free from a toxic relationship you need to get used to other people. Trust me it works but not like magic so its gona take a while.
Emphasis on guilt!!!
DeleteIt’s feels really amazing to find someone who totally relates!
DeleteQueen Bee I and oyinda are about to start a mini dialogue here. May we proceed.
DeleteLmao...proceed o
DeleteWe're creatures of habit. I guess once you settle into the relationship and you seem to be getting something from it, your brain will stop functioning properly and your impulses or desires take over. You stop being rational and you're more emotional.
ReplyDeleteI honestly can't say why. All I can say is once you start to see the red flags, don't make excuses for the person. Just run away and save yourself the drama!
Very true...but then again running away can be very difficult because you can see the red flags and still want to make an excuse for the person.
Delete