African Bee

I’m writing this on Wednesday (February 22) at 8pm and I’m going through so many emotions. Today has been very rough for me, and I’m hoping to fall asleep soon so that I can wake up feeling better. This time last year, I went through something similar and I was so glad when February ended. And as I write this, I’m realizing how much February has been a pain in the ass for me. Years ago I lost someone I loved so much also in the month of February. I believe that next February would be amazing because this is the last time I allow another February mess with me.

I miss writing here, so I wonder why I don’t do this more often. Work and life just has a way of consuming one’s time. At the beginning of the year, I was excited for the new things that I was going to be doing. I was also excited to continue with some of the old ones - like working out. Today, I’ve done something that I said I wasn’t going to. I have let myself get overwhelmed by focusing only on the negatives. I let my emotions control me and I didn’t know how to bring myself back to earth. And that’s fine because I’m human. I’m just going to take this as a reminder to take a break and pause.

Also, I’ve decided to focus on the positives more than the negatives. The “little” wins matter too. This year, I finally got my certificate after all these years. I got my first UGC collaboration. I got one step closer to a dream job. I’ve grown so much in gym and I reached a new PR (personal record). I finally made my first 20k from cloth sales. I’ve been wanting to sell for the longest time but I didn’t know how. And this month, my first sale was above 20k. I’ve been walking up to people to tell them that I sell gym wears (check out my IG - @teaselgarms). I can be very shy and reserved, so this is a big deal for me. Another thing is I’ve been consistent with my Instagram content and creating gym content. I have all these to be thankful for. What “little” win are you thankful for? Tell me in the comments. You could be motivating somebody.

Hi! I'm a content writer and social media manager named Feyisikemi but you can call me Feyi.

I opened my journal on the 1st of July and I laughed hard at what I saw. I had high hopes for 2022 in terms of enjoyment, books, and life generally. I wrote down the things I wanted to do in the new year. I wanted to read 40 books by the end of 2022, visit new places and do adventurous things like learning how to swim. I also wanted to do a lot of shopping.

Now, I can't believe I wrote all those things. What made me think I would suddenly overcome my fear of swimming so quickly? And the only thing I remember actually shopping for recently is a perfume. I have also spent quite an amount on food because it is only when you are alive that you can enjoy life.

My reading journey was kind of bad at some point but I am doing better now, and I have visited more places this year than I have in a long time. I know you are thinking “how does this concern me?” Chill, I am getting there.

The truth is that as much as we want to do a lot as humans, we can't always tick off everything we want to do. Yes, it is good to have a plan but always be flexible to changes.

I said earlier that I had some slack with reading but I have gotten the groove back because it is something I am interested in. It’s amazing how we all have high hopes and expectations for how much we want to earn in five years, the number of books and articles we want to read, the places we want to travel to and so many others. But out of all these, there would be some that we might get to tick off our list at the stipulated time, while we might not get to tick off the others at that time.

The question is “Should this break us?”. No! Should this discourage us from drawing up a list? It shouldn’t. It only helps in shaping and reminding us that life wouldn’t always go as planned and while this might be a little disappointing, it shouldn’t stop us from fulfilling all those promises we made to ourselves. Thus, I’d eventually try to read as many books as I can, visit as many places as I can, live an adventurous life and try to explore my list to the fullest.

How are things going with your plans for the year? I'm encouraging you even if you feel like a few have flopped. I would love to hear from you in the comment section, till we meet again.

PS: Bee here! Feyi’s article is such a necessity because we're in the eight month already and before we know it, the year will be over. This is a reminder to go a bit easy on yourself. You've been amazing so far and with consistency, you'll get your desired results!

I'm still taking on guest writers this month. If you're interested, please let me know.

You can't just go around justifying your bad decisions with the fact that life is happening to you. It's happening to everyone. Be more considerate.

Have you ever thought that you could be one of the causes of your problem? Yes, I know that times are hard and it doesn't even make sense to be putting that kind of burden on yourself. But think about it. We tend to be partial in matters that involve us. We set goals, make plans and decide to stop doing so many things. Then we mess up and simply just move on like “I can’t kill myself”. Sometimes it's just easier to cut ourselves some slack even in cases where we are hurting someone else.

I often talk about reminding yourself to take breaks and put negative energy to the side. And it's such an important factor, especially in today's world where it seems like time is moving faster than we are. You always need to remember that you've been running for a while, but rest is much needed if you want to continue to run. It's just that amidst all the ups and downs, we can get stressed into making some bad choices even when we can already tell that the outcome would be negative.

You only live once. That's very true, and it is the motto a lot of people live by. They make certain decisions because they don't even know if they'll have the chance to do so the next minute, and it totally makes sense. It is what it is right? It's just that if you have made up your mind to make certain decisions even though they would have negative impacts, make sure it doesn't hurt bystanders. Sometimes you are tired or overwhelmed and you act on impulse. That's fine if you own up and take responsibility for your actions. You can't just go around justifying your bad decisions with the fact that life is happening to you. It's happening to everyone. Be more considerate.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves - Philippians 2:3

PS: If you’ve always been interested in writing and you would like people to see your work, reach out to me. Also, if you are already a writer and you would like to get featured on my blog, please send me a message too. You can contact me via email or on social media. Have an amazing July❤️

Don’t grow up, it’s a scam!

If someone had told me when I was a child that in my early twenties I’d still be figuring out life, I would have called them a liar. I'm up at 1 am writing this because my thoughts are keeping me up. As a child, when anyone asked me what I wanted to be in the future, I would say a Banker. Other times it would be Lawyer, and when I started to get a bit older, it turned to Doctor. The truth was that I had absolutely no idea what it meant to be a Banker or a Lawyer at the time. It just felt like the right thing to say. Those were the kinds of professions that “responsible” adults took on. It was very normal for children to just say things like “I’m going to be a pilot”. Yes, there are some people who actually knew who they wanted to become from their childhood. I personally haven't met any so I want to assume they are just a few. They knew what they wanted as children and stuck with it till their adulthood. I just think those people are very blessed.

What influenced who I thought I wanted to be was what everyone around me said or did. “Everyone” in this context isn't limited to just the immediate people around me. It also included other people I haven't met. People that automatically assumed that artists couldn't make it enough to buy a house. I mean where did the term “starving artist” come from? It also included people that started to define happiness by whatever they personally deemed it to be. What gives everyone fulfilment isn't the same. In secondary school, I loved mathematics so much. I looked forward to going to school on days where we had it for hours. A lot of times, I wouldn't study for tests so that I could be “surprised” by whatever questions were coming. During an exam (probably NECO), I solved all theory questions instead of the 7(or was it 10?) I was supposed to, just out of curiosity and boredom. There were aspects of mathematics I avoided, but I enjoyed how much it made me use my brain. I didn't know what I could do with my love for maths and everyone already said I’d make a good doctor. I didn't want that.

Being an adult is crazy! Everyone’s path is so different, and a lot of the things we saw as children aren't the way we thought they were. Things are even way different now that the world is changing. Every time you blink, something new has been discovered.

As a child, I was shy but I had this boldness that made me have the feeling of being okay. Even when things were falling apart, I wouldn't fall apart with them. I didn't care that my friends had this toy or had those clothes. Even as a teen, I didn't understand why people would be envious of me. But as I gradually got older, all these things started to change. My first year in the university got me introduced to “adulthood”. I started experiencing so many things that the child in me diminished. I got diagnosed with anxiety. I started caring about the things that were said about me. To make things worse, I had gone into the university to try and build a life I wasn't passionate about. It took me far too long to realise that I had caged that fearless child in me. To think that when we were children, we wanted to grow up. Growing up is inevitable. Just make sure not to lose that fearless child in you.

Hello guys! I want to appreciate everyone who read my last blog post and encouraged me. It meant everything to me. It might have even made things better and I'm very grateful. I couldn't finish the blog post because it felt like too much. But God won't give us more than we can handle, right? I questioned a lot of the things that made me ME. And that was very tough but I can honestly say now that I'm way better than I was. I'm not where I feel like I should be just yet but I'm good and thankful.

As much as I knew I needed time away from people, things and maybe life, I also wanted things to go back to normal. I wanted to write new blog posts and take pictures and make videos, but I couldn't. I've only been able to write a few poems for my poetry page on Instagram @wordsbytab (you should check it out and please like and follow), but it has not been as smooth as it normally would. Sometimes I would tell myself to get over my “self-pity” and just do the needful. But that was just me being cruel to myself. It was never self-pity. My feelings were and are still valid. Time actually heals and you can't cheat time.

I've had some job offers in the past month that felt like such an insult. They were always so impressed by my CV but refused to pay well for the services they required. Then there were jobs that I honestly did not want even with the very attractive package. But when I found out that I didn't get them, it made me sad. Why should I be sad about something I didn't want? The fact that I'm able to write this blog post is a huge deal for me. This means progress and you're experiencing this moment with me. This is a reminder that you are human and you have emotions. If you need time, then you need it. If you cheat yourself, your body will make up for it somehow. Going through such a low period and then seeing people out there making it was tough on me. Even with the knowledge that it isn't entirely real, social media can take a toll on you. My anxiety level has been through the roof these past months like never before. I needed the time I took. If you need the time, take it. Don't push it. You might end up making things worse and it's not just worth it love.

Hi. For a month now, I have randomly (more often than usual) had panic attacks. I would suddenly not be able to breathe. I haven't really spoken to anyone about it. I have brought it up twice though, in two different conversations with two different people, hoping that something would come out of it. But for some reason (I'm not trying to make anyone look or feel bad), they skipped that part of the conversation. I recently made a huge decision in my life that I had been so scared to make and the days leading up to everything (the decision) being finalised have been the hardest. In fact on the last day, I felt so powerless. I felt like I was making the right decision but losing at the same time. I needed my time alone after doing something so difficult but I didn't get to have my time alone. I spent the rest of that day sad, confused...just super emotional. My emotions were all over the place. I wanted the chance to be able to scream so loud. I wanted to think and just be. I didn't get that chance. I spent the rest of the day doing things for other people ( people I love though).

I hate the part of me that feels the need to rescue or help people (sometimes) while disregarding my own feelings. I'll definitely talk about this big decision I made someday. I'll talk about the whole story behind it and everyone involved, but today I just want to heal. I'm hurting so much and it just sucks that I can't do anything about it. I tried to talk about it but it didn't go well. I just got angrier. I don't have much of an appetite and I feel like I have a fever. I hate how my mood is tied to my appetite. I don't know if you'll see this or if it would stay in my notes forever like the others. I just get so scared of being so vulnerable but I guess it's fine to be once in a while.

One of the things I do when I just want time to pass is watch TikTok videos. I found out that something I've been experiencing for a long time has a name. Have I lost you? I’m sorry. So, I started by telling you I’ve been having panic attacks. When I was about 17, I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. I would suddenly not be able to breathe and I would get weak and my feet and hands would get so numb. Sometimes, I would pass out. I also had this growth in my nostril that got inflamed and prevented me from breathing, so I just assumed it was just that. I got treated and I would have it just once in a long while. Then I suddenly literally started feeling chills go down my spine. I would be doing something and I would suddenly shiver. I assumed it was cold because I get cold easily. I just thought it was weird that it also happened when I was hot. It’s been happening a lot recently, and then the panic attacks too. I found a TikTok video of a girl explaining what it is - an anxiety tic. I’ve been having anxiety tics. People rarely take me seriously when I talk about my anxiety cos “Nigeria” I guess. It’s not a big deal. I’ve talked about it before especially when I’m about to get drawn into something that would trigger it. I’ve been cutting off things that are actively dragging me to a place of depression. You should too ❤️. Thanks for reading this. See you next time.

Ps: I didn't read this after writing it. I'm tired 💔

will you be your valentine image for theafricanbee

Be Your Own Valentine.

Last month we had to deal with the pressure of New year’s resolutions. This month, it’s Valentine’s. February is known as the season of love and just know that throughout this month and even a little bit into March, you would have to deal with a lot of heart shaped balloons and talking teddy bears. It’s Valentine’s and almost everyone wants to show how much they love someone or that they are loved. Just like the new year, Valentine comes with its own pressure. What happens when I don’t get a gift? Does that mean no one loves me? Why do I even ever have to ask myself that question? Who could love me better than me? Before diving into self love, let’s first go a little bit back in time.

The History Of Valentine’s Day.

Although we associate the 14th of February (and maybe even the entire month) with romance, the actual story is far from chocolate hearts, dinner reservations and surprise proposals. In fact, Valentine’s day is more religious than romantic. According to Wikipedia, it actually started out as a celebration/holiday to honor Saint Valentine who was a Christian Martyr. This means that he died as a result of his declaration of his faith in Jesus Christ. As different additions were made to the story, somehow it all became related to love. One legend claims that Valentine actually sent a gift to a girl he fell in love with after he was jailed which he signed “from your valentine”. It was also said that the girl was his jailer’s daughter.

Self Love.

Who could be more worthy of your love if not you? Loving yourself isn't selfish at all. Being selfish means that you lack consideration for others and that you are mainly concerned with your gain or pleasure without caring if it affects others, even if it's in a negative light. Loving one's self doesn’t hinder you from loving anyone else. In fact, I believe that genuinely loving yourself can help you love others better. It would also set the tone and or boundary for other people’s love towards you. I wouldn’t expect to be treated like a Queen when I don't even think that highly of myself. So, this valentine, take out time to show yourself that you love YOU.

5 Steps to take towards loving yourself.

1.Be Kind to Yourself: We all make mistakes but how we react to them are different. Some people act like they are right when they do and refuse to agree with anyone that’s trying to correct or advise them. Others get emotional and try to learn from their mistakes. But there are some people who beat themselves up, call themselves names and even try to “punish” themselves when they do something wrong or fail at something. Be kind to yourself. You should be your own best friend as well as your cheerleader.

2. Forgive Yourself: How could you not? Forgive yourself for the things you have done to others and the ones you did to yourself. Forgive yourself for everything. Do it over and over, because you aren’t perfect. To read further on this, click here.

3. Say “I LOVE YOU”: Tell yourself that you love YOU. When we truly love ourselves, we find that we are a whole new being. Your level of confidence goes up and you find yourself doing the things that you didn’t think you could. Loving one’s self comes with a glow and healthy pride that others can see. It changes the way people see you and relate with you. Compliment yourself. Tell yourself you are beautiful or handsome. Once you know and believe that, there’s no way in the world that someone out there would make you feel less.

4. Kill Your Insecurity: Kill that thing that tells you that you’re not enough (not your ex though). Your weight or dress size doesn’t define your worth. I have said this over and over and I’m saying it again. Sad people tend to project their

5. Reward Yourself: It’s valentine’s after all. Get yourself something you love! Encourage yourself with uplifting words. Make it clear to yourself that you are proud of everything you’ve accomplished. Take care of yourself.

Bonus: Cut out every toxic branch. Whether it is a friend, a boyfriend or girlfriend, a colleague, a job or even a family member. You can’t be trying to improve yourself while someone somewhere continues to sabotage all your hard work. Do not let bitter people project their insecurities onto your life. I love you. Happy Valentine's❤.

Hello guys! How has 2022 been for you so far? For me, I've been praying for clarity and I can actually say I'm getting just that bit by bit. One thing that has become clear to me is that I need to take on my fear by the neck. And possibly strangle her. I get so anxious and it’s been holding me back more than I have admitted. I want to do so many things but the fear of not achieving what I want or making mistakes has hindered me. In the spirit of improving on our existing patterns for a better 2022, here are some habits you should work on this year.

1. Stop overthinking: Hey Siri! Add this to my to-do list. This is mostly me taking a hit at myself. I overthink everything, and I only just end up with a headache and more problems. Why? When I overthink things, I tend to include things that weren't even an issue before in my thoughts. How does this even solve any problems? You only end up feeling worse. Remember that this year, we are taking active steps towards achieving our goals. Overthinking is not one of them. You have an issue? Figure out how to fix it and make a conscious effort to actually fix it.

2. Save: This is a habit I picked up when I was younger. Now, as a young adult, it has really worked for me. My savings have come in handy in times of need. Although, this year I intend on doing better and saving. For me, the first step towards achieving this is getting a better paying job. 🥴

3. Rest: Last week, work was more uncomfortable than usual for me. We don't get any breaks at the end of the year at my office, and before my birthday I fell ill. I was placed on medications for a month that typically would require me to go to bed or simply just rest after taking them. But I didn't get that grace. Getting to work and going back daily takes a toll on my existence. Then when you add the burnout from working, and all the other upsetting occurrences that aren't even talked about frequently enough, a break is definitely a necessity. I’m on leave right now, and even though I told myself I would work, even writing this blogpost took forever. I have been in bed for most of my leave struggling with a migraine. I definitely needed this time away from Lagos traffic and all the unneeded negative energy.

4.Pray / Meditate: I can’t stress the essence of this enough. One thing that my anxiety will always react to is prayer. Life can be very overwhelming, and it is very easy to forget to stop. It is also very easy to feel alone and stranded. Remember to pray. It’s such an amazing feeling to just open my mouth and pour out everything and anything to God. Sometimes I cry. Other times I scream. My favorite thing about praying is that I can do it anywhere and anytime. Do not forget God.

5. Be Content: At your fossil age, you are still begging. I cannot stand this particular behavior. Even writing about it makes me want to flick someone. You shouldn’t go about asking for everything you “like”. The fact that someone is eating Chicken wings beside you doesn’t mean you must eat Chicken wings too. The truth is you won’t die if you don’t have everything that other people have. From little things like taking someone’s bracelet “just because you like it” to clearing your bank account or even borrowing money to get something someone else has, you just need to learn to discipline yourself. Imagine people feeling like they need to hide their stuff from you because they know you would want to take it. Don’t be that guy.

6. Smelling nice: You won’t catch me unfresh anymore. My significant other put me on this one and I am never going back! I can’t count the number of compliments I have gotten, even from strangers, since I started taking smelling good seriously. I don’t usually remember the name of any scents I use but let me just say MANGO! Imagine being known for smelling nice…

7. Be more organized: Pick up your clothes from the floor. Your clothes do not belong on the floor! That plate you ate with two days ago has mould growing in it already. Do you intend on performing an experiment with it? Start your day with intention. Make lists of all the things you need to do. Set reminders so you don’t forget.

8. Give: Don’t be that person that would always collect but rarely give. There are a lot of people who would give anything to have the life you have. There are way too many things that other people could use. Give. No matter how little you may think it is, someone else would really appreciate it.

9. Deal with your trauma: Almost everyone of us has gone through one thing or the other. It is easier to just tell you to deal with your trauma and heal than actually making it happen, I know. But the important things tend to be tougher. If you decide to, you can achieve it. Focus on your end goal and decide on the methods that work for you. Your trauma is a baggage that could possibly be holding you back in some areas of your life. They are better resolved or dumped.

10. Stop Comparing yourself with others: Why do we even do this? It only makes us feel terrible. Like I mentioned before, someone out there would be very grateful to have your life. Stop comparing yourself with others. Everyone’s life is different.

If there are any other good habits you intend on picking up this year, let us know in the comment section!

PS: Blog posts are now bimonthly. I’m trying to be consistent but I’m also trying not to run myself into the ground

Happy new year friend! It's so great to see you here in 2022. I am thankful that you didn't stop supporting me and that you're here again to hear what I have to say. 2021 was amazing because you clicked every link, you shared every blog post and you made comments. I’m so grateful to everyone that read all my blog posts. When I also needed help winning writing competitions you were there. Thank you so much for doing 2021 with me. Now that we’re in 2022, I want us to go into the new year armed. At the beginning of 2021, I was confused about a lot of things. I had just started working at my new place of work and I was struggling to find a place to stay. This is kind of a difficult story for me to share because it’s an emotional one. So I may not go into details in this particular blog post. Just know that 2021 was crazy and emotional for me. I had to be humble and take what life was giving me a lot of times. I had chosen the path I wanted and so I had to persevere. A lot of times, when I didn't think I had it in me, the strength came and things felt better.

I want to remind you that you are strong and that you can take whatever life brings. In 2020,none of us saw COVID coming. It was difficult for all of us. People passed on, some lost their jobs and a lot of us felt very unsafe because of the unrest happening around us. 2020 was hard and 2021 seemed like a fairly better twin but somehow, we overcame it. We scaled through one way or the other and we’re here in 2022. When I was struggling with depression, I used to think about the worst things. I often wondered why people could not read my mind and see that I was suffering. As I got better, I started to realize that I didn’t actually want to die. I just wanted to stop feeling bad and miserable. I wanted all the bad thoughts to end. I wanted all the bad people around me to stop making me feel worse. I wanted someone to genuinely care.

We don’t know what 2022 holds. We don’t know what’s going to happen but we pray and hope that 2022 is our year of joy because lord knows that we’ve seen enough. We all need a break and we hope that 2022 is our year of break. But the thing about life is that it’s the uncertainty that makes it “life”. Whatever uncertainty that life throws at you in the new year, please remember that you’d be fine. Bad friends, peer pressure, being broke, and even feeling alone. These things have nothing on you. You’ll be fine. It’ll be fine. Put your happiness above every other thing. This doesn’t mean you should be selfish in a way that puts other people down. Just remember that your happiness is very important. Remember to pray and meditate. Go with God into the new year and throughout the year never let go of Him.

Subscribe

About Me

Social Media

Lifestyle

Fashion

Creative Writing

Others

Subscribe

About Me

Social Media